Jack Johnson's Shit Goes Platinum All the Time Thanks to You Fucking Morons

I'd seen the cover of this album everywhere back when idiots were buying it and only now looked up what it was called. It's called In Between Dreams, which about sums up how exciting it is. You know, like when you're sleeping, and you're not even dreaming. You're far more likely to enjoy a totally bonerless drunken blackout than any song on this album.


I think this review from Amazon says it all:
"it it was possible, i would have given this cd 6 stars... it's been on constant repeat in the background ever since i got this cd the day it came out (i pre-ordered it as soon as i heard word of a new jack johnson cd...gasp!) i have liked jack for several years, ever since his debut album 'brushfire fairytales.' since then, he's also come out with 'on and on,' (making this his 3rd) and i honestly would never be able to choose my favorite. he's got a soothing, raspy voice and perfectly harmonizing guitar, and he has such a way with words: he doesn't just write about love (although his love songs will make your heart flutter!) but he also writes about worldly issues that get you thinking."

Clearly, only morons like Jack Johnson. Yeah, this album really gets you thinking about how maybe you have some jello in the fridge or POSSIBLY about how you might want to learn how to play the guitar and/or surf. Or play the guitar while surfing.

Your dumbass friends are sure to play this during parties cos they think it's the PERFECT "chill" party music or sweet "beach" music, because we're always having beach parties and I'm ALWAYS wondering what the ONE PERFECT ALBUM for those parties would be. If there were some bizarre stipulation in which I could only ever go to the beach if I were also listening to Jack Johnson, I would forego the beach forever. And I like the beach. The fact that every album he has ever made has gone platinum makes me want to go on a killing rampage, but while drinking wine, petting my cat, and surfing. Congratulations, though, to this dude on guaranteeing himself an endless supply of totally chill, definitely a little fat, retarded, salty pussy.