Blonde on Blonde – Bob Dylan

Such a title should have been preserved for a middle-of-the-road, penis-free porno, not another convoluted Bob Dylan offering.

Although his fervid fans would have you believe that Dylan's music was so deep you could dive into it, I would like to frantically caution you that in fact it is as shallow as the latest Seth Rogen effort. This dinosaur is vaunted as a cultural icon for supposedly having something interesting to say, where in reality you'd learn more from watching an episode of Cash Cab.

Perhaps you should double entendre us to death while appealing to all of your obtuse hippy fans that will chant any lyric that has to do with getting baked ("Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35"). Some writhe in sycophantic celebration about the supposed cleverness of this play on words but I'm willing to call it what it really is, pure sloth for fans ready to consume anything offered as gospel, provided the gospel was grown in your friend's neighbors' backyard. Some refer to him as a great storyteller. Really? If you call disjointed, whiskey tango adventures great stories, then he is your guy! The sad truth is that if Bob Dylan did a cover of the schoolyard anthem "Diarrhea", people would dissect it and arrive on the idea that it's about drugs or the war or the war on drugs. You are suckers for periphrasis people, wake up, he's no genius, just another boring coffeehouse toadie that got lucky. I think his interview answers were convoluted because he was just as surprised by his success as I am.

Take the people that are so quick to call him genius. Ask them what albums they own. Ask them what their favorite Dylan songs are. Ask them to recite some lyrics. Ask them their PIN number because they will probably be shit stupid enough to give it to you. Exactly. With the exception of a few super fans, they won't have jack shit and won't be anywhere near being able to justify the genius label. And even if they can recite the popular standards, ask them what the fuck they mean. It is all "poetic" nonsense and Bob has laughed all the way to the bank for years . . . too bad he hasn't laughed all the way to a barber. Just because critics are ready to suckle his teet at any offering, doesn't make his music good, relevant or even interesting. All of his best works had to be reinterpreted by someone else. "All Along the watchtower" was only made great because Hendrix salvaged it and "It's All Over Now" received a real chance once Van Morrison performed it.

The fact of the matter is, people have some sort of fear of announcing that they don't like or get Bob Dylan. They tow the party line and continue with the phony reverence. What is there that is redeeming about Bob Dylan's work? At least he has the smarts to avoid the press these days and doing anything that make him tabloid fodder, but who has given him the idea that it's a good idea to continue to produce albums? The legions of aformentioned adoring fans and critics? Fuck that noise. (Literally)

From Obviously Five Believers:

I got my black dog barkin'

Black dog barkin'

Yes, it is now

Yes, it is now

Outside my yard

Yes, I could tell you what he means

If I just didn't have to try so hard.

Ok, if I sent this to you without any context, you would say, aww, that's sweet that your six year old is writing but would secretly think, that kid needs therapy.

How about this from "Most Likely You Go Your Way and I'll Go Mine"

The judge, he holds a grudge

He's gonna call on you

But he's badly built

And he walks on stilts

Watch out he don't fall on you.

Ok, anyone else thinking this cou

ld be ripped from the pages of Dr. Seuss?